


Let Her Go

by nimrodcracker



Series: a blinding flash [3]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: F/F, SERIOUSLY THE SUMMARY SAYS IT ALL, aaaaangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 01:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10888956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimrodcracker/pseuds/nimrodcracker
Summary: This time, she really breaks her friend's heart.





	Let Her Go

**Author's Note:**

> bridging piece between It and the second chapter of Asymptotes. finally, all my amata/f!lw-centric pieces are published!!
> 
> protip: listen to the [Passenger song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA) of the same title for extra feels.

This time, she really breaks her friend's heart.

Amata isn't blind to the looks cast her friend's way, and she knows what they mean. Two days since her friend - seriously, still? - waltzed into Vault 101 with that dazzling smile, and the dirty looks have given way to whispers in the corridors. She hears what some of them say, and she knows she can't just leave them be.

Thanks to her father, she's the Overseer since an hour ago. Even if she refuses, Vault stability _is_ her responsibility.

Jenessa's grinning, still talking about her adventures in the wasteland while they climb the steps to the entrance. Of weapons and ginormous robots that shoot laser and nuclear bombs, of treasure hunters who sell pieces of history for a quick buck.

Amata's glad that Jenessa's found a friend out there. Knowing that someone's looking after her friend means that she can sleep better at night. Add that to what she's about to do, her friend will be safe.

She smothers a sigh. Jenessa will be.  _Has to_.

At the atrium, her friend threads a hand through her fingers. It's warm to the touch, and Amata squeezes them tight.

It doesn't make what she's about to do easier, though. She's merely delaying the inevitable, all for a taste of teenage bliss circumstance snatched from them.

Jenessa lays a head on Amata's shoulder, fitting there like it's always meant to. Her friend's maroon locks tickle her cheek like the ghost of a whisper, and Amata falters, words wedging in her throat. She'll miss curling her fingers around those strands.

Her friend's always been the shorter one, just by a head. With the button nose and a smattering of freckles, peeking out from the light tan of her complexion. All idle observations, made by a mind so hesitant to speak.

Oh, how Amata wishes to give voice to such thoughts, but how cruel it'll be as parting words.

So Amata starts talking. She begins with words she's forced to spit out, because this is not how it's supposed to happen. This is _not_ what she wants to happen.

"Jen, I-you can't stay. You need to leave the vault."

They've always been close, too close to be anything but. And yet, never close enough.

The effect on Jenessa is explosive. Jenessa flinches away, but grips Amata's hand tighter. "Amata, is that actually a joke? I can't believe it! I thought _I_ was the one who cracks the jokes in this relationship, not you."

 _Relationship._ But not in the conventional sense. Amata craves it to be, the want gnawing at her insides. _But_.

Jenessa's laughter is as shaky as Amata's composure. Amata tries to smile, she really does. She wants it to be a joke too. Watching Jenessa's grin disappear saps the will that props her on her feet.

"Oh," Jenessa says softly, _hesitantly_. "You're not."

"You heard the grumbling. They still blame you and your Dad for the mess that's happened to the Vault."

"But they're being childish. I didn't ask for this. They can't do this. I didn't kill them, the security officers did. Why can't they see that?"

"Jen, you know as well as I do that they aren't about to think otherwise." She wants to pull Jenessa into an embrace, hold her closer than the fears seizing her friend's chest. But she can't. Amata wiggles her hand and Jenessa lets go, but it feels as if Amata's lost more than the warmth of a hand.

Her friend sighs. "I know. It's just-" a strangled noise, and a step away "-I guess I know why you asked me to bring my things along." Three heartbeats pass, then she jerks back to meet Amata's gaze. "Wait, you're coming with me, right?"

Every cell in Amata's being screams at her to agree. "I can't. The Vault needs me."

Jenessa flings an arm out. " _Sod_ the Vault. You've suffered enough because of it!"

Jenessa's right. Amata agrees. But she can't let Jenessa know that. "I'm the Overseer! Overseers put the needs of the Vault over themselves. I can't just leave, Jen."

"Why can't you be selfish for once?" Jenessa blurts as she steps closer, too close for Amata to ignore the hurt reflected in Jenessa's eyes. To ignore how they're a simple shove away from kissing, the way the tips of their feet touch.

Amata turns to her booted feet. Partly in shame, partly to push down the lump of feelings welling up inside her. Why is Jenessa making this so difficult? Why can't she just go? Why can't she hate her enough to leave? "Look, I don't want to argue with you anymore. You're not going to change your mind. So am I."

"Amata..." Jenessa gathers Amata's bunched fists from her sides, gently uncurling them into the roughened hands of a technician. _A wastelander._ "Can yo-"

"Don't." Amata's voice cracks. She can't bear to look up. She can't bear to see the one face that might convince her to toss all semblance of rules out of a Vault door, just like she had those years when James left. When they stopped being kids. "Don't say anything. Please."

Amata isn't aware of the time that's passed, if it even has; of how long they've stood there, numb and silent, with hands clasped between them. Neither of them willing to let go, savouring the simple closeness that isn't as simple for them. No more nights of bed-sharing, no more days of hiding in their private world of Jenessa's BB range. But that's a history they can't return to - they're different now. Like how Vault blue of Amata's jumpsuit clashes against wastelander brown of Jenessa's cobbled-together outfit, how Pre-War ideals are irreconcilable with Post-War realities.

If there's a future for them, it's one spent apart.

"I made you something." Jenessa presses something small and cool into Amata's hands. "Since you like Quantums. Hope you like it."

Amata sighs when she finally sees that something, but Jenessa's out of arm's reach when Amata looks up.

Jenessa leaves without a fuss, not once glancing back - with a laser pistol wedged in her belt, and a box of Mentats bulging through her pocket.

Amata clutches the cord of bottlecaps so tightly till her palms bleed. There's pain, of course, but it's numb compared to the silent shearing in her chest.

She can rationalise it all she wants, but there's no way she can deny it. Once again, she's prioritised the Vault over her friend. Her own, too, but that's to be expected. Selflessness came with the job.

What frightens her more is the sobering realisation that she'll do it again, if she has to.

Just like her father.


End file.
